COOPERATIVE PARENTING OR PARALLEL PARENTING

Research on families of divorce suggest that there are primarily three styles of parenting for families after a divorce: cooperative, conflicted, or disengaged. Cooperative parenting is the style used by families in which conflict is low and parents can effectively communicate about their child. If you determine that your level of conflict is low, you and the other parent will probably be able to talk about your child’s needs in a healthy way. You will probably agree on most parenting values, be relatively consistent in your parenting styles, and have few arguments about your child’s life. You will rarely put your child in the middle, and you will solve differences peacefully. Research shows that children of divorce fare best when parents can be cooperative in their parenting. If you fall in this category, you should feel good about yourselves and know that you are helping your child immensely. There are many good books on cooperative parenting designed to help parents do a more effective job.  This book focuses on those parents who are in conflict and argue a lot or need to disengage in their parenting. Even if you can sometimes parent cooperatively, you find it to be difficult and are in conflict too much of the time. Conflicted parenting is the worst for children, who are often in the middle of the conflicts. Your children will adjust to your divorce easier if you can avoid conflicted parenting. Psychological issues that lead to conflicted parenting are many, and may include:

• continuation of hostility that began during the marriage
• differing perceptions of pre-separation child-rearing roles
• differing perceptions of post-separation child-rearing roles
• differing perceptions of how to parent
• concern about the adequacy of the other parent’s parenting ability
• an unwillingness of one or both parents to accept the end of the relationship
• jealousy about a new partner in the other parent’s life
• contested child custody issues
• personality factors in one or both parents that stimulate conflict.

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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/ --