Once you establish an intimate relationship with someone, you will have a relationship with that person for the rest of your life. This is true whether you live together or apart. Even if you move to the North Pole, a part of the other person will still be with you. To the extent your relationship is supportive, your life will be more enjoyable and more productive. To the extent you have conflict, you will suffer. You will get upset any time you are with the person or even think about the person. You will become tense and frustrated. You will lose your happiness, your energy and your peace of mind.
When a relationship doesn’t work, it affects every aspect of your life. Sometimes the fear and upset can be so consuming that you lose all your effectiveness. You can’t move forward. Even your future relationships are affected. You carry the past wherever you go. Until you heal your relationship, you will never be totally free. The anger and hurt will follow you forever. The nature of your relationship also determines your ability to resolve issues. Couples who cooperate resolve their issues quickly. Couples who work against each other create a nightmare. When couples use lawyers and the courthouse to do their fighting, the situation becomes a disaster. Bringing in an adversarial attorney is like bringing in the heavy artillery. Everyone gets hurt. You make your situation much worse.
Whenever you take action to come out on top, without regard to the other person, you create opposition against yourself. The other person doesn’t like coming out second best any more than you do. So whenever you do something to put yourself first and the other person second, you force that person to fight to protect him or herself from you. Then you have to fight to protect yourself from the other person. You create a cycle of conflict that produces tremendous damage and usually lasts for years. It’s just like war. When you resolve issues by force instead of cooperation, you play tug-of-war with each other’s well-being. The name of the game is survival. The motivator is fear and resentment.
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For more information, contact the Family Law Offices of Renee M. Marcelle at (415) 456-4444, or online at http://www.familylawmarin.com/